Good work!  You found a couples counselor!!

I work with all types of relationships and seek to actively affirm LGBTQIA+ identities.

At this point though, it’s likely you are not celebrating.  Many people do not want to go to counseling despite experiencing intense conflict, distance, or hurt in their relationship.  People often fear making things worse in their relationship or having to experience even more pain by talking about it.  If you’re reading this, you are probably unsure of how to make things better with your partner and are really hoping there’s a chance for improvement.

A lot of couples find they keep having the same argument over and over again.  Each person wants to feel heard and understood, and yet somehow as couples try to communicate this to one another they end up more frustrated, angry, and alone. 

Well here’s the good (and the bad) news: this is normal.

As depressing as that may sound, consider the relief you might experience if you went to the doctor and explained your symptoms and the doc said, “This is normal.  I see people with this problem often and have a plan we can follow to help you feel better.”

This is what Sue Johnson has done for the world of couples therapy by developing Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. For example, read this quote from her about what really ails relationships and how emotional connection is relevant:

“When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness. If I appeal to you for emotional connection and you respond intellectually to a problem, rather than directly to me, on an attachment level I will experience that as “no response.” This is one of the reasons that the research on social support uniformly states that people want “indirect” support, that is, emotional confirmation and caring from their partners, rather than advice.”

Sue Johnson

It is evident that she understands the inner workings of distressed relationships and thanks to her study of adult romantic attachments, we now have highly effective ways of helping couples (re)connect and repair.  Sue Johnson developed Emotionally Focused Therapy, which is my preferred method for couple and family therapy.  This approach is a research-based, highly effective method of couples therapy that leads to lasting results for 70-75% of couples.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps people communicate more effectively through building a safe and secure bond.  We know that when couples feel safe and connected with one another, they tend to be better at problem-solving, enjoy a more fulfilling sex life, and reap physical health benefits as well.

We can empower your relationship to be healing instead of hurtful.

You may feel far from your partner at the moment, but even couples with trauma in their past can benefit from couples counseling. In fact, EFT is quite beneficial for those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in particular.

We all need a safe haven in this world.

This journey is possible at any age and any stage of a committed relationship. 

[photos courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net]